Consulting a sexologist can be distressing and sometimes perceived as a failure. The first thing to know is that there is no problem too small or too big to decide to see a specialist. Lack of sexual desire, erectile dysfunction, frequency of sexual relations, infidelity, all these subjects can be a reason for consultation whose ultimate goal will be to help the couple.

We often tend to want to solve our problems ourselves, because asking for help and meeting specialists is often seen as a sign of weakness. Know, on the contrary, that it is more a sign of strength than being able to indicate that we are experiencing a problem and to take the means to resolve it. Remember that the objective of the consultation will always remain to resolve what is wrong, so that calm and joy return to the couple.

And don't make the mistake of thinking that time will fix things, because it often has the opposite effect. A problem that is not taken care of initially will tend to grow bigger and bigger until it becomes too big to be resolved. Better to call on subject matter experts to help us while there is still time.

The role of the sexologist
The sexologist is a clinical therapist who has university training in sexology to provide sexual and psychological therapy. It works with individuals and couples with the aim of promoting the development of more satisfactory sexuality and sexual health. The sexologist acts a bit like a guide and brings both partners to a complete reflection on what is happening in their relationship in order to identify potential problems. He will listen (a lot) and gather information from the individuals with whom he is consulting before proposing a treatment plan and recommendations.

It is possible to have the complete list of professionals accredited by the Association of Sexologists of Quebec (ASQ). This directory will allow you to find the professionals present in your region and to know their respective specialties. Sexologists can also issue receipts for reimbursement purposes, which many group insurance companies now include in their coverage plan.

Why we consult a sexologist
The reasons that lead to consultation with a sexologist can be grouped into 3 main categories: sexual, relational and emotional difficulties, as well as those related to health.

Sexual difficulties:
We will mainly talk here about sexual desire disorders, erection or ejaculation problems, disorders related to orgasm, pain that can occur during penetration and during sexual relations. Anything related to deviant sexual behavior is also a reason for consultation, such as addiction to pornography, exhibitionism and voyeurism, fetishism or sexual abuse. The sexologist will also be able to support and advise people questioning their sexual orientation and those suffering from sexual identity disorders.

Emotional and relational difficulties:
They cover more the problems occurring in the couple in terms of communication, emotional dependence or even excessive jealousy. The therapist will also deal with couples coming for consultation for an extramarital relationship, domestic violence, performance anxiety, separation and even bereavement.

Health-related difficulties:
The sexologist will help couples or individuals struggling with health problems such as infertility, menopause and andropause, gynecological and urological problems, disabilities or sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It can also support couples through their sexuality in the case of pregnancy or even a miscarriage or abortion.

Prepare
Before meeting your sex therapist and starting therapy with him, take the time to “shop” him carefully. Each therapist has their specialty, it is better to find one who has the necessary tools to help you. It is important to work with a sexologist with whom you get along, which will make the therapy more pleasant and certainly more effective.

Once you have chosen the sexologist, remember that you have a lot of work to do on your side to resolve the problem for which you came to consult them. Here are a few small elements to consider:

Set realistic goals. This way, you will be proud of your progress and will be able to achieve them. An impossible goal will only discourage you.
Implement the advice of your sexologist once you return home, and do the exercises he or she suggests.
Stop comparing yourself to other couples and individuals right away. Instead, focus on yourself and your own well-being.

And finally, discuss the session with your partner, because no matter the problem, you are moving through this journey together.